Because sometimes self-care means making a wig, putting on FULL face while listening to 90s R&B on Pandora. Even when there’s no where to go.
Have you ever seen the movie “Pootie Tang”? It’s a comedy about a Blaxploitation lady’s man character by that very name. He fights evil with a wicked snap of his belt and speaks lingo that the audience doesn’t understand, but the characters in the film do. Wanda Sykes is one of the characters in the film. She plays a woman named Biggie Shorty. Her character, among other things, hangs out and dances on a corner throughout most of the movie. At one point two men drive by looking for some action and approach her.
Click here to watch Wanda Sykes as Biggie Shorty in Pootie Tang
Guy 1: “How much for the 2 of us?”
Biggie Shorty uses her purse to slap Guy 1
Guy 2: “Hey baby what’s your problem?”
Biggie Shorty: “Just because a girl like to dress fancy and stand on a street corner next to some whores, you automatically think she’s hook’in?
Guy 1: “Wouldn’t you?”
Biggie Shorty uses her purse to slap Guy 1 again.
Biggie Shorty: “No I wouldn’t! I’m a lady you greasy bastard?”
I wouldn’t identify myself as a lady, but I understood the point she was trying to make. Why shouldn’t she be able to chill on the corner, dance and hang out next to the working ladies? It’s her hood. It’s her choice right? I guess that choice embeds itself with how others interpret that choice. People make assumptions and act on those assumptions.
This got me thinking about how people see me, not because of where I hang out or whom I’m hanging out next to, but what I do. What do I do? I do sex. I have taken sex and owned it for myself. I create events around sex/ sexuality. I’m a sex educator. I’m a sex worker. I’m a sexual liberationist. Sex (uality) is art. It is political. It is powerful and this has become my identifier. Sex.
Sex makes people excited. Sex makes people uncomfortable. Those unnerving and eager feelings often bring up two kinds of reactions to my sex.
- People think everything I do is sex. They think that everyone I know, I’ve fucked.
- People think my sex is available to them. They think they can approach me in any manner they wish. They believe my sex is up for grabs.
I’ve had situation where I’ve invited folks to dinner and they’ve gotten nervous and thought they’d secretly been invited to a play party. They think every party, potluck, gathering I organize, is a sex party. They have anxiety that they’re gonna walk into a freak show sex-capade. Believe me people, I’m real clear about what’s gonna happen at my shindigs. If by chance, something does pop off, you will most defiantly have the opportunity to say yes, no or maybe. You’ll have the opportunity to negotiate or opt out. I like willing participants. I don’t spin a torrid web of sex to catch you in. I love negotiating.
The other half of folks think that they can touch me without asking, send me personal e-mails when I’ve never met them before. “Hey baby, what you doing tonight?” “I’d love to lick you all over.” The comments and the assumptions about what I do or what I’m willing to do with anyone soars beyond the imagination.
This way of thinking about my sex by others makes me sad. It makes me angry. It misses the whole point of the work I have dedicated myself to. If you took the time to talk to me or know me, you’d know that communication, negotiation and consent is so important to me. My sex isn’t just sex for sex’s sake. My exploration of it serves a greater purpose; for me and hopefully to those I’ve had the privilege of mentoring. If you knew me, you’d know that I’ve been working on these things for years, educate on it and do my best to practice it righteously. You’d also understand that those reactions to me help to supply false notions around sexual freedom. This is what happens to those who “do sex.” When people witness how others react to me, it aids in deterring others from seeking their own sexual truth. Do you see how fucked up that is? Your actions or reactions speak volumes.
I guess some people would assume that because I “do sex,” that I should expect this. Just as Biggie Shorty should expect to get solicited because she dances on a street corner that’s known as a stroll. I don’t agree; and in honor of Biggie Shorty’s right to stand on a corner and dance with the whores, I send all the “assumers” a virtual slap on the face with my man-bag and say, “ Just because I’m a sex worker and organize sex parties doesn’t mean that’s all I am! I’m a gentleman damit! Don’t make assumptions because then you make and ass out of you. That’s it. Just you.
Licia Ronzulli, member of the European Parliament, has been taking her daughter Vittoria to the Parliament sessions for two years now.
I’m sorry but women get shit done. In fact, not sorry.
Sesame Street will FOREVER be relevant.
This is important. Stop big cat hunting. This literally is making me cry.
The way the lion tries to shut out the light…
:Why would you shoot it?
I cannot think of any reason to kill a Lion. You don’t eat it. It’s a waste.
Hunting in general is fucking cowardly, but this post is great.